glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
