Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
