I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
