Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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