I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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