Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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