hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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