is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
