If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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