Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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