I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
