Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
