Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
