New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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