I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
