At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
