The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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