i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
