..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
