wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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