Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
