Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
