.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
