i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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