i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
