I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
