just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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