just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Bring me that man meat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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