he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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