What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
