Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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