booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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