Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Texas_playboy hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(703): View more from Virginia

The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."

Fav 18 6577 987
share tweet
(936): View more from Texas

My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.

Fav 10 11232 1002
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(651): View more from Minnesota

I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.

Fav 11 1522 4153
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him

Fav 21 6964 1995
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.

Fav 19 3508 1400
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.

Fav 13 3117 740
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(607): View more from New York

The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.

Fav 8 1718 985
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.

Fav 0 240 269
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(406): View more from Montana

Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE

Fav 0 29 60
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT