I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
