Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I got inside last night via doggy door
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
