he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
