I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
