I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
