dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
