You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
