Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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