Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
is wine microwaveable?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
