do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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