dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wish my penis had a tongue
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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