I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Operation Purity has been aborted
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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