Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism