You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.