he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.