You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?