I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.