I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.