____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.