Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
