dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend