Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.