In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...