You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize