I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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