tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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