My hair reeks of homosexuality.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
