He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
