if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
