I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize