HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wannas sexs uuuuu
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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