No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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