I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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