Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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