I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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