I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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