after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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